your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Actions speak louder than pants.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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