Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
