And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
