i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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