I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
