She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
