i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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