OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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