At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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