U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
