Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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