I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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