They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
