I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
