Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The feeling are messing with the penis
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
