O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
