Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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