the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
