This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
