White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
