I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
