getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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