I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
either way he was missing a nipple.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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