I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
my liver is dry heaving
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