where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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