dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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