Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
