I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
