Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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