K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Randomize
