i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
