I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
third nipple confirmed
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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