How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
