She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
only if we run a train.
done.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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