We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
