i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
