So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
