Your mouth is God's brothel.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
