I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
