have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
