i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
