...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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