as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
