Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
