I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
