I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
