he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
