I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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