Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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