I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
