sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
