I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
