By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have tasted many bathrooms
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
