I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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