i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
