Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
