I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
this beer tastes like vomit already
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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